i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
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She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
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I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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