We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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