he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
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The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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