Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
i now understand why vodka
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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