Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
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You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
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Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
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