mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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