so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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