Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize