My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize