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It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
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