I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
my poor anus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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