i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize