i was born a porn star she said
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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