Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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