I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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