shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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