i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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