here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize