yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize