Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
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I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
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I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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