i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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