Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
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You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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