Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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