I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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