I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize