So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize