i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize