It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize