The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just crazy horny about you
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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