Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
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Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Bang-toberfest begins!!
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And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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