I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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