I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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