I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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