I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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