I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize