and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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