Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
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The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
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The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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