I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
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Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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