worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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