does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
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Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
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If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I need to align my fucking chakras
false alarm, still single
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