I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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