It's Friday. Sex?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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