Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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