Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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