We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Randomize