Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
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Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
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Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize