Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize