once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
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All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
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I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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