hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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