my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize